


Non Believer

by VeeIs4Valence



Category: Destiny (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Canon-Typical Violence, Destiny, Destiny 2, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Minor Self Harm, Past Abuse, Rating May Change, Self-Harm, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Sort of AU?, Triggers, also it won't make much sense, if nobody makes content for him i'll make it my damn self, there needs to me more Cayde6/male guardian stuff, this won't stick to the cannon all the time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-01-04 12:37:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12169023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeeIs4Valence/pseuds/VeeIs4Valence
Summary: Valence didn't believe in a lot of things. Especially not destiny. He simply didn't think it existed.Destiny was determined to prove him wrong.





	1. Destiny

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This fic contains referenced past abuse, explicit violence (canon typical but still warning), minor self harm, mental issues and mental instability. Please don't read this story if these themes cause you harm.
> 
> I personally have not experienced past abuse, explicit violence (canon typical but still warning) nor minor self harm. I mean no offence in the way I portray them. I try to keep the portrayals educated, accurate and represent healthy coping strategies. Please tell me if I have done anything to offend you and I am always open to criticism.
> 
> Thank you everyone for being flexible; I'm still learning.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the story.

Destiny. Valence never believed in destiny. He always wanted to believe he was in control of his life, that everyone had control of their lives. He wanted to believe it was his actions alone that determined the outcome of his story. But mostly, he wanted to believe that it wasn’t by destiny’s hand the world suffered. He wanted to believe nothing would be that cruel.

 

Believing in destiny for Valence meant that there was some inane reason he was born an albino. Hair as white as bone and eyes red like embers, skin paler than milk; just the thought of sun made him burn. It meant that it was destiny’s doing causing people to look at him with pity or disgust. It meant that fate lead his classmates to abuse him, to sneer and say withering things. It meant that the reason he always went home with bruises where no one could see was some higher power decreed so.

 

Believing in destiny meant that there was nothing he could do about his parents. Valence’s parents were amazing people. They meant the world to him. His mother cared for him in a strict and determined manner, but was always so gentle when he cried. His father was a goof that never failed to make Valence smile. A man who spoke Dad Joke more fluently than his own language, who tickled everybody even though he was ticklish himself. Valence loved his parents to death. It would have been destiny’s decree that Valence would believe his parents shared that love for each other. It would also have been destiny that tore their marriage apart. It would have forced Valence to hear his parents arguing when they thought he was asleep. It would have been destiny that brought on the divorce. If Valence believed in destiny, it also meant he believed the awkward suffering when visiting his father’s new girlfriend was meant to be. For his mother’s growing hatred of men and jaded sorrow over a love life was destined. For them both to be happier without each other. For Valence to need to go around with that empty smile and that ache in his heart. It meant destiny taught Valence how to lie to the world for the sake of another’s happiness.

 

Believing in destiny meant that it was fated for Valence to become distant. Valence had friends. Few, but good friends. It didn’t matter that most of them weren’t boys, or it didn’t to them. Before, Valence laughed, joined them out in the world and let their light block out the dark looks people threw his way. But destiny made Valence cynical. It made him use quick insults and dark humour to hide his pain. Sometimes, when no one else was around, he would tell his friends he was sorry. He was sorry that he couldn’t help insulting them. He was sorry he never laughed at their jokes. He was sorry he couldn’t be there for them, that they had to be his crutch. They would always say it was okay. Valence always thought it wasn’t, thought his friends only stuck around because they pitied him. They were telling the truth. He didn’t believe them. But destiny would have forced them apart anyway, if Valence believed in destiny. Because destiny would have caused Valence to abandon them, leave them behind. Valence told them it was because he couldn’t stand them being unhappy. It was the truth. His friends didn’t believe him.

 

Believing in destiny meant that Valence was born to top all his classes. He would skip college and go straight to university, moving away from his parents for some degree he wasn’t invested in. It was determined that he would meet his roommate, his best friend. It meant that one day on his birthday, that roommate would gift him a game that changed his life.

 

Believing in destiny meant that Valence had to receive Destiny. When he first saw the case, sitting in a pile of scrapped wrapping paper and cake crumbs, he almost laughed at the irony. His roommate booted up their battered PS3 and urged him to at least give it a shot. So he did. Valence did not sleep that night. Destiny struck a chord with him. It wasn’t the shooting, the art, the music, the story (what little their was). It was something he couldn’t explain. Maybe it was a way he could fix that little ache that still writhed in his chest. But it was destined that he would love, and hate, that game.

 

Believing in destiny meant one thing to Valance. He was sitting at the PS3 one night, half listening to the argument his roommate and their partner were having. It was late and both of them were at least tipsy, maybe high, and the spat was quickly getting heated. Valence was worried, and was going to get up to leave. Someone barked something at him, an order he quickly obeyed and froze in his seat. He quietly played his game, trying not to focus on how similar his friends’ arguing was to that of his parents. That was when there was a shattering sound. A yelp. And something hit the back of Valence’s head. Hard.

 

Believing in destiny meant one thing to Valance. It meant he was going to die. Alone. Afraid. And by his best friend’s hand.


	2. Afterlife

The Afterlife. Valence never believed in the afterlife. He thought it was unfair to force people through another life again and again. To give people who didn’t deserve a second chance just that. To torture the happy with another life’s sorrows. That and he thought it couldn’t possibly exist. He was only partially right.

 

Have you ever been brought back from the dead? I personally don’t suggest it. The process is painful and frighteningly unsettling. To remake an entire body from just bone. To force cold blood to once again pump through dry veins. To shock a stony heart back into its endless drumming. To cause rusted muscles to once again stretch, lift leaden limbs from ash and crack joints back into their sore abuse. The first breath is the worst part. It feels like inhaling cinnamon or rusty nails or white fire. And you want to be sick but you’re starving to death at the same time. And noise feels so far off in the distance, like you’re head is surrounded by cloth, yet everything is too loud. And your eyes are blurry and unfocused, but it is still too bright. Everything is a million miles away, but right on top of you, smothering. People are afraid of death for many reasons. It may be that no one wants do die in pain. It may be that no one wants to leave those they love. It may be that no one wants to be unfinished or unsatisfied. It may be that no one knows what comes after. Let me tell you. Dying is the easy part. Don’t ever come back.

 

Valence came back.

 

He felt the frigid heat of life flood his being once again. As he stood, everything slowly became realistically bearable. In comparison. Valence would have described it as waking up from a coma with the worst hangover ever. It was an understatement.

 

“Eyes up Guardian,” a distant voice called. Valence was did not understand what that meant, but he looked up anyway. What his eyes were met with was something new. A small, palm sized construct, made from hard angles and white metal, looked on at him with a glowing blue eye. A soft glow radiated from the darker interior of the being, which grew as it twirled in amazement.

 

“It worked! You don’t know how long I’ve been looking for you. I’m a Ghost – well, now I’m your Ghost, and you… well, you’ve been dead a long time,” the Ghost relayed.

 

Dead. Dead is a strange word. It holds a power most don’t. It causes a sharp tingling behind your nose that causes your eyes to water. It brings a coldness to your fingers and a rush of heat to your cheeks. You get the shivers, but not enough so that you notice. Your throat gets a little tighter. You heart beats a little faster, but lower in your chest. It brings a weight that hangs a little too long in the air to be confortable, but too short to point out. Dead. Dead is final. Like the last sentence in your favourite book. It doesn’t always mean gone forever. But it means something so unfathomably upsetting, words don’t really suffice. Dead. Dead.

 

Valence didn’t feel any of this. Dead brings many emotions. Valence only felt confused. Yes. Yes, he had died. That much he knew. Yet, for the life of him, he could not remember why, nor how, nor when. It was deeply disturbing to Valence. He looked down to his fingers, popping each joint. Why couldn’t he remember? Dead. Would he ever remember again? Dead. How was he back again?

 

A howling screech split across the chilled air, causing both Ghost and Valence to snap their heads towards the echoing noise. Across the sea of rusting cars and red dirt and abandoned constructs, a figure sent that grating noise from afar.

 

“We need to go. It isn’t safe here,” Ghost orders, urgency obvious in its robotic voice.

 

Go. Flee. Run. That was something Valence could focus on. Something he felt familiar with. Ghost set out over the decaying traffic. Valence gave chase. He wove between the ruddy cars, all of the same beetle-like design, easily catching up to Ghost and streaking towards an opening in the towering wall before him. His breath came in heavy pants, chest still feeling like someone had just punched him in the stomach and he was just regaining his breath. Ghost disappeared in a flash of blue light, only to reassure Valence he was still with him as he vaulted up dilapidated staircases. It became unnervingly silent. The darkness felt like a scarf wrapped too tightly around Valence’s throat. The stairs opened up into a large, cavernous space, lit by a smattering of dim orange lights. Reappearing in display of blue light, Ghost turned the lights back on. A heavy feeling of dread settled in the bottom of Valence’s stomach when he saw the terrifying creatures illuminated. Four armed and covered in scavenged armour, they scurried up the beams while making screeching and hissing sounds.

 

“Oh shit,” was the first hoarse words that rasped out of Valence’s mouth as he say the creatures notice him. He acknowledged grimly that those may be the last words he would say.

 

“Quick, grab that gun over there!” Ghost frantically yelped, coasting low to illuminate an ancient looking firearm. With a start, Valence dove to grab the weapon, forcing its action back into operation with a grating pump. He sprinted away, down a darkened hallway and away from the cries that echoed down the chamber. In a beat, two of the same creatures burst from the ceiling, brandishing crackling daggers and snarling in Valence’s face. The Guardian screeched in terror and threw his arm out forward, causing a soft white shockwave to force the assailants into a backwards tumble. Valence then proceeded to hip-fire the two helpless enemies into oblivion. A few deep breaths later, Valence had once again regained his composure.

 

“The Fallen. They’re scavengers who have been attacking the Last City ever since the Collapse. I didn’t think they had gotten this bad, though. We should keep moving,” Ghost informs. Valence nods and continues through the mine-ridden halls of the old building.

As Valence breeches into the open of the Cosmodrome, a Fallen ship destroys one of the towers that touch the darkening sky.

 

“Fallen ships? This close to the surface? We’ve got to move, now,” Ghost orders as a plethora of Fallen move to block Valence’s path. He shoots through them, barely dodging their tracer projectiles, and runs for the cover of another building.

 

Eventually, the duo makes it to an old spaceship lying tangled in some chords and Fallen nets.

 

“A jumpship! We’re lucky to find one that the Fallen haven’t picked clean. It hasn’t made a jump in centuries, but I can get it to work,” Ghost offers, whizzing about. A screech echoes through the halls, heralding another wave of Fallen. Ghost looks to Valence and gives a questioning twirl. Valence just nods, adjusting his grip on the old gun and maneuvering himself into a more defendable position.

 

“Do what you have to do,” he confirms, determined. The little construct begins its assault on the disrepair of the ship as the Fallen begin their assault on Valence. He takes shot for shot, fighting tooth and nail against the enemy. His inexperience shows, missing thrice the amount of shots he lands and barely holding out against the Fallen Captain and its crew. Just as Valence is about to get crushed by the scorch cannon, Ghost makes an exclamation as a light envelops Valence. He is teleported on the ship, sitting at the controls and staring at the confused Vandals. Ghost whirrs beside him, distressed.

 

“Fly!” it shouts. Valence slams a palm into the closest lever, kicking the engines into their highest setting as he breaks free of the building. They careen across the sky, and into the clouds, the aggravated roar of the Captain fading into the distance. The only sound left behind is the terrified laughter of Valence.


	3. Tower

Flying was something new to Valence. It felt different from every other sensation he had ever experienced. It was fast. It was exhilarating. It was freedom. It was also extremely terrifying. Actually, fucking terrifying is a better descriptor. It was like being a three year old, driving a car on the freeway… but the freeway is in space.

 

“That is a terrible analogy,” Ghost deadpans, trying to keep stable in the ship.

 

“Oi, get out of my head. Also, I just came back from the dead and you are expecting me to know how to fly a spaceship, so lay off a little!” Valence spits back. The bite is immediately lessened by the squeak that escapes his lips as the whole ship drops into a nosedive. One hard panicked pull up and a robotic sigh later; the flight finally stabilizes a little. Ghost looks at Valence, pulling up some vague coordinates and placing a marker on one of the holo-screens surrounding the pilot.

 

“Okay, we are coming up on the Tower now. This… was probably one of the better ‘first’ flights,” Ghost offers. Valence retorts with a dark side eye, letting the ship drop suddenly to emphasis his point. Ghost just gives a surprised whirr and points out the controls on how to land the ship.

 

“You’ll get better,” Ghost assured. That almost made Valence feel better. a small quirk of a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, watching as Ghost disappeared in a puff of white light. He slowly came broke through the clouds, coming upon the Last City. His breath left him, eyes going wide.

 

Nestled in between the snowcapped mountains, a sprawling multi-leveled city blanketed the valley in shining grey and silver. The blinking coloured neon lights twinkled in the expanse, like stars in a constructed sky. It lay surrounded by an imposing wall, snugly corralling the edge of the civilization. Floating above, shadowing the towering buildings, a white sphere hovered. It was simple on the outside, yet it brought a deep feeling of power and infinity. It was incomparable. Wisps of clouds swirled around it, only to be cut by the rays of sun peeking from behind. Rising from one of the thicker parts of the wall, a tall tower stood, open terraced and decorated. Jumpships of all shapes and colours whirred about it, disappearing into and leaving through a row of hangar doors. Banners and heraldry floated on the light breeze and tiny figures roamed around the whole building.

 

“That’s the Tower, the home of the Guardians,” Ghost explains, as Valence pulls closer. He is snapped from his awe when the same light, yet stomach dropping, sensation tingled across his body. Valence rematerialized at the railing to the Tower, looking around and just barely keeping his footing. A nauseous feeling hit the back of his throat, but not having eaten anything since he died, Valence wrestled his stomach back into its assigned anatomical position.

 

“Sorry, but one day you’ll get used to transmatting,” Ghost assures. Valence silently doubts it.

 

“We should get you to the Speaker, introduce you to the Vanguard, get you your dorm, fix up that jumpship, maybe get a better weapon-“ Ghost rambles, listing off the many things needed to be done as he reappeared.

 

“Whoa, whoa, okay Ghost. Maybe you should slow down, your starting to sound like me when I had that panic attack…” Valence jokes, trailing off at the end with a cringe. The dark realization hits him. “I-I don’t remember when that happened. I… know I had a panic attack… but- Oh God. I don’t remember anything. I don’t- I can’t remember…”

 

He can feel his pulse behind his eyes and it feels like he swallowed too much food at once. It feels like his heart is getting squeezed and his chest it being crushed. There is a prickly feeling behind his nose and everything feels like he’s trapped under too many blankets and can’t find the way out- he’s trapped and he can’t breath- he’s too tangled up- he can’t breath- he can’t- he can’t-

 

Ghost gives a worried whir and lands lightly on Valence’s shoulder, giving a terrified look.

 

“Hey, hey, hey, it’ll be alright,” Ghost calms, panicking himself slightly. “Just focus on your breathing, it’ll be alright. I know everything is really scary and confusing right now, but it’ll be alright. It’ll be alright. Just… breath. It’ll be alright. It’ll be alright. Breath.”

 

Valence struggles to sync his breathing up to the rhythmic mantra Ghost keeps whispering to him. It helps a little, just enough to get his throat to open up and his chest to feel a little better. He breaths. It isn’t good, but it’s better. Okay. Okay, this he can handle. He can handle this. Okay.

 

“The Speaker can help you. He has answers. Is this okay?” Ghost offers, floating up to be eye level.

 

“This is okay,” Valence responds softly.

 

“This is okay,” Ghost parrots.

 

“Yeah, this is okay. I- I think I just need a few answers right now,” Valence clears his throat and straightens his back. Ghost nods, and he mirrors the movement.

 

“Answers. The Speaker is in the North Wing of the Tower,” Ghost states as a grey diamond pops up in Valence’s hud. With another deep breath, Valence heads out towards the marker.

 

-

 

“That… was the vaguest shit I have ever heard. And I took a philosophy course,” Valence grunts. Walking out the area the Speaker settled, he rubbed his wrists as Ghost rolled his eye. “Also, did I kinda get the vibe that guy was insulting me? Or was that just me?”

 

“The Speaker has that affect on everybody. His thing is the ‘cryptic-wise-man-who-really-doesn’t-want-to-be-here-right-now’ shtick. Don’t sweat it,” Ghost sighs. “Alright, Vanguard next.”

 

Valence cut through the terrace and descended the tiered steps, pausing to observe the Guardians’ sigil emblazoned on the stonework. He made his way past a bombastic man, shouting something about honour from beneath a one-horned orange helmet. Valence quickly zips by, trying to ignore the way the animal heads seem to observe his passing. The hallway widens into a large room, filled with screens monitoring this and people tracking that. Tall banners sporting class designs adorn the railing. In the inlaid floor, a long, dark, wooden table covered with maps and books stood. Three figures stood around the table, each with varying levels of interest, listening to a report.

 

At the head of the table stood an imposing man with his thick arms crossed as he listened to the report with a frown. His light blue skin was a stark contrast with the heavy red armour, the tall pauldron almost even with his bald head. His eyes were bright blue and glowed with a soft light, casting shadows on his slight scowl. He was a large man. Valence himself was tall, and though the figure stood a few inches shorter, he was significantly more muscular and well built.

 

Standing at the back corner closest to Valence, was a dark skinned woman. She stood with an air of aloofness and wisdom, elegant brow slightly cocked above auburn eyes. Her purple robes had a high collar, which touched the base of her shaven skull. She had a figure deceptively lithe, with the thick cords of muscles hidden behind the armour. Her face was in a slight smirk as she listened to the report, wit placing her above this.

 

Finally, leaning on the left side of the table between the other two figures, reclined a… robot. He was considerably shorter than Valence, though not by much for the other two, and was almost half lying on the table playing with a knife. He had a mix of light blue and cream coloured faceplates, positioned in the most disinterested expression of the bunch. Glowing aqua eyes track the slow twirling of the blade between deft, gloved fingers. The knife is tossed a couple times, coming up to the height of a blue, geometric horn protruding from the robot’s forehead. He was wearing brownish leather armour, looking less put together than the other two. He even was wearing a pair of boots that look like someone put heavy plating and leg warmers on a pair of cowboy boots. A belt was slung across his chest and waist, scabbard hanging on it empty. A long black cloak was draped over the robot’s head and shoulders, its rectangular design fading to worn edges near his calves, the red design still bright against the fabric.

 

All three are totally not paying attention to Valence, who stands in the entrance awkwardly, fiddling with a strap on his wrist that is suddenly very important. The woman giving the report, a tiny thing, goes of on a tangent and Valence is suddenly very aware how long this meeting could take.

 

“Well go on then. Don’t just stand here,” Ghost whispers in his ear.

 

“I can’t interrupt,” Valence just whispers back.

 

“Why not?” Ghost asks, giving a sigh. Valence can practically see the jaded eye roll.

 

“I just can’t!” Valence hisses quietly back. He clenches his fist and lets his shoulders slump. A deep sigh escapes him as Valence resigns and settles in for the long haul.

 

Perhaps that sigh wasn’t as quiet as he thought it was, or the man has incredible hearing, but the knife drops onto the table as the robot’s eyes snap up to meet Valence’s. Under the helmet, Valence pales. Or, gets paler. It isn’t a long trip. The clattering of the knife also draws the attention of the other two people standing at the table, report trailing off.

 

Quick Valence, say something eloquent to make a good first impression!

 

“Uh…” Valence flounders.

 

Nailed it.

 

The robot’s expression immediately morphs from the bored indifference to a relieved smirk, sidling up to the edge of the stairs.

 

“Well, well, well! A new Guardian! I guess we will need to put off this… enrapturing report for another day,” the man exclaims, easily slipping the knife back into its sheath and giving a sharp clap in one smooth motion. His voice is metallic and gives a slight drawl, but is still incredibly charming and smooth. Valence wouldn’t have put that voice to that face, but he finds it exactly fits the robot. The blue man throws a sharp look at the other man, waving the reporting woman off. She just gave a huff and retreated to another holo-screen that surrounds the room. He gives a wave and makes an insincere pout.

 

“Look, I promise we’ll get to it tomorrow, probablymaybesomeday,” he trails off, giving a slight cough to cover up the mumbled last part.

 

“Alright Cayde, we get it. I’m sorry Ziana, we’ll get to your –er- very important report… after this,” the blue man grumbles. The dark skinned lady stifles a chuckle with the back of her hand, patting the arm of the poor reporting lady. Soon, everyone’s attention was focused on Valence, only adding to the awkward silence mounting in the room.

 

“I suppose introductions are in order. I am Ikora Rey, the Vanguard of the Warlocks,” the dark skinned woman introduces, giving a regal nod. Her auburn eyes drift to Ghost floating beside Valence.

 

“Cayde-6, Hunter Vanguard, pleasure to make your acquaintance,” the robot drawls, giving a mock-bow. He leans easily against the table again, glowing eyes not leaving Valence.

 

“And I am Commander Zavala, Vanguard of the Titans and leader of the Vanguard,” the blue man booms.

 

“Um… I’m Valence… previously deceased?” Valence offers, rubbing his wrists and shrugging slightly. Ghost gives a deep sigh, dropping slightly and shaking its head.

 

“Vanguard, I found him out on the outer edges of the Cosmodrome. The Fallen have a stronger hold there now, but we managed to scavenge a jumpship to get back to the Tower,” Ghost explains, floating down towards the three. Valence debates whether to follow or not, but eventually steps down towards the table as well.

 

“So, Valence, are you a Hunter, a Warlock or a Titan?” Ikora Rey inquires, sweeping a hand behind the Guardian and leading him closer.

 

“Uh, I’m kinda new here … am I supposed to kinda get a vibe or? Do I get to choose? How does this work?” Valence asks.

 

“Usually Guardians kinda have a vague idea by now… but no pressure. This is something you gotta figure out on your own, ya know?” Cayde-6 responds, picking at a stray thread on his cloak.

 

“I mean, I probably would have a vague idea if I even remotely understood any of the words you are saying. What even are these ‘classes’,” Valence retorts, honestly confused. Commander Zavala just looks at the Guardian.

 

“We’ll let you get situated in the Tower first. I’m sure it’ll come to you,” he offers. “Cayde, since you seem so keen on being here, you can show Valence around. Get all the paperwork settled. Get him his dorm.”

 

The robot man gives a deep sigh and stands up straight, stretching out his back.

 

“Beats sitting around in here all day. Well, c’mon then newbie, we’ve gotta get you settled,” Cayde-6 announced, sauntering out of the room. Valence and Ghost shared a look, before they both catch up to the retreating Vanguard.

 

-

 

“There’s something different about that one,”

 

“Zavala, you say that every time a new Guardian arrives at the Tower,”

 

“This time, I truly mean it. His Light isn’t like the other Guardians’ Light. Not like yours or mine. You must feel it Ikora,”

 

“Just because you say it every time… doesn’t mean I don’t feel it as well. We need to keep an eye on that one,”

 

“Agreed.”

 

…

…

…

 

“Should we tell Cayde?”

 

“Why do you think he was so eager? Cayde may not be the… sharpest, but his instincts are always right. Even if he doesn’t realize it yet, he may know more than we do,”

 

“So is that a yes?”

 

“That is a definite no.”

 

“Agreed.”


	4. Home

Home. Valence didn’t believe in home. At least, not since his parents split up. Before that, everything was fine and dandy. But now, a house was just that, a house. A home was meant to be safe. A home was meant to be comforting. A home was something you didn’t dread returning to. But Valence didn’t believe in a home anymore. He didn’t have one.

 

A voice broke Valence’s silent ruminations.

 

“You still with us champ? You look like you’re in another world,” Cayde-6 says, giving a lopsided smirk.

 

“Uh yeah, still with you… Cayde-6… er, sir,” Valence responds sheepishly, rubbing his wrist as he jogs to catch up with the robot. They had headed deeper into the bowels of the Tower, slowly making their way to the administration. It was well-lit yet well-decorated, dark concrete easily broken by neon signs and vibrant posters. Guardians casually roamed the halls, chatting in groups as they meandered to their destinations. A few threw friendly greetings Cayde-6’s way, whom easily shot back a pair of charming finger guns. Valence spotted multiple other strangely coloured figures, as well as a handful of robots like Cayde-6. There were other droids performing service to the Tower, but these robots were more humanoid.

 

“You don’t need to call me ‘sir’ by the way. Cayde works just fine,” Cayde amicably remarked as they wandered through a quieter hallway.

 

“Oh, sorry. I guess I just- you know what? You can call me Valence if you want. I- I don’t think I’m too comfortable with ‘Guardian’ just yet,” Valence offered, rubbing his wrist profusely.

 

“Yeah, ‘Vanguard’ isn’t really my thing either, if you haven’t already noticed,” Cayde chuckles, looking at Valence out of the corner of his eye. They walked in silence a bit longer, only broken by Cayde pointing out points of interest within the Tower. After a bit more walking, Valence broke the silence.

 

“I- uh, Cayde? I have a question,” Valence managed.

 

“Shoot,” Cayde responded.

 

“I don’t want to be rude or anything… but- um… what exactly _are_ you?” Valence meekly asks, grip on his wrist knuckle white. This makes the shorter Vanguard pause, almost causing Valence to run right into his back. The robot is quiet, not turning to face the now worried Guardian.

 

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you but I am super confused right now and there are blue people with glowing eyes and talking robots that are kinda like people, because I think we used to have talking robots but nothing like you and I don’t really know what is going on are you like human, are they human, am I hu-“ Valence’s worried rambling is abruptly cut short by a strange sound. Valence cocks his head to the side, until he realizes what it is. Cayde is laughing. Not the charming chuckle or short pity laugh, but a deep, barking laugh. He is shaking slightly, orange light glowing from beneath his faceplates as his eyes are squeezed shut. The entirety of Cayde’s being is moving with the force of his laughter, only causing Valence to dip his head at a more extreme angle.

 

“You’ll have to excuse me, I’m sorry if you find my total alienation, _literally_ , confusing to me after I _died_ ,” Valence deadpans, cynical defense mode kicking in. Cayde’s laughter cut short at that, falling into awkward silence.

 

“Sorry, it’s just… no Guardian has ever had the balls to ask me what the fuck I am! I mean, I don’t expect you to know but I suppose everyone is so scared of the big bad Vanguard, they just get their Ghost to explain it,” Cayde explained. To Valence’s surprise, it sounded genuinely sincere.

 

“No, I’m sorry. I was kinda- no. I was really rude,” Valence apologized. Cayde just gave his signature smirk.

 

“Nah it’s all good. You shouldn’t be so shy all the time, we’re all family here,” Cayde smiles. “Besides, angry Valence is kinda hot.” He raises his eyebrows suggestively, only getting a slight chuckle from Valence. The robot gestures to himself.

 

“I am an Exo. We were created sometime before the Collapse. No one is really sure how Exos work, not even other Exos. Everything about us is kinda a mystery. And those ‘blue people’ you keep seeing are the Awoken. They were human but when they fled the Darkness during the Collapse, something in space… changed them,” Cayde explains.

 

“Oh. Neat?” Valence offers, shrugging.

 

“And which one are you?” Cayde asks.

 

“Huh? What is that supposed to mean?” Valence asks. Cayde just laughs and gestures to Valence’s head.

 

“You do realize you’ve been wearing a helmet this entire time, right? I have no idea what _you_ are. A lot of Guardians don’t even realize until they take off their own helmets. Rezzing does that,” Cayde giggles.

 

“Being brought back to life can change my race?” Valence asks, aghast. That just makes Cayde laughs harder.

 

“No, no! Coming back to life makes your memory… spotty. You barely remember what happened before you die when you first get back. A lot of Guardians don’t get anything more back. Any, what I’m saying is that you may not remember your own race if you haven’t already,” Cayde conveys.

 

“Oh,” Valence mumbled, rubbing his wrist again. Would he really not be able to remember _anything_? Cayde did say he might get his memory back, but not for sure. With a shake of his head, Valence clears his mind. He couldn’t focus on that right now. Existential crisis later, figure out if you’re an alien now.

 

With a smooth motion, Valence removes his helmet. Cayde just gives a low whistle, eyes widening slightly.

 

“That bad?” Valence winces, holding the helmet tightly.

 

“No, no, no! Not bad! Just- uh… You should probably see for yourself. It is your face,” Cayde remarked, pulling Valence into the closest restroom. Valence was dragged up to the closest mirror, reflection staring back at him.

 

Valence did not know what to expect. Honestly, he didn’t remember exactly what he looked like before, but looking at that person in the mirror felt… off. His previously slightly creamy hair was now snow white, cold and synthetic looking. His skin, although already pale, now took a slight purple-ish hue, yet still looking vaguely human. Beige lips were now a gentle pink, fuller and much more lively. He pulled his lips back to see dark red gums and sharpened fangs. Not quite vampire levels, but enough to give a good bite. Pale white markings decorated his face, two strokes above the brow and something that reminded Valence of winged eyeliner lining his eyes. They eyes. The biggest change was the eyes. Red eyes that pierced the dim lit room burned, glowing with a bright unnatural light. He looked Awoken… but different. He couldn’t put his finger on it. Maybe it was the slightly more human skin tone. Maybe it was the brighter lips and pointed teeth. Maybe it was the strange markings. But he thought it was the eyes. They shone with something other than light. Almost as if the red was hiding something. It reminded him of the feeling he got staring into the night sky. Endless. Dark. Enticing.

 

“Ah,” Even his voice sounded different. Not deeper, but… richer. If sounded as if another voice was whispering beneath it, just quiet to be inaudible.

 

“Uh, I would have said more, but that pretty much sums it up,” Cayde reckoned.

 

“Am I even an Awoken? I don’t really look like one,” Valence wondered, locking eyes with Cayde’s reflection. They held their gaze until Cayde looked away, twirling around and making a flamboyant gesture.

 

“Well, I think you look great, but it doesn’t really matter y’know? So long as nobody has a problem with it, it really shouldn’t be a big deal. Guardians are Guardians, even if they look different from everyone else,” Cayde reasoned, making his way out of the restroom. Valence gives one last fleeting glance at his reflection before striding out to join the Hunter.

 

-

 

After a short tour and some… questionable suggestions for shopping around the Tower, Valence and Cayde finally made their way to the dorms. A mech-droid was standing at a counter, typing away on a holo-screen. Its gaze moved up to face Cayde as the pair walked closer.

 

“Hello Vanguard Cayde-6. Are you here to register a new Hunter?” Its very robotic voice queried.

 

“Oh, nah. Valence…” Cayde swings to look at Valence, expectant.

 

“Um, Valence. Valence Essos,” Valence finishes.

 

“Valence Essos’ class is still to be determined, but in the meantime he will still need a place to crash,” Cayde continued. The mech-droid just nods and slides a stack of paperwork towards the Vanguard, who gives a heavy groan.

 

“Now I remember why I hate my job,” Cayde grumbles, grabbing a pen from a cup.

 

“Can I help in any way? This is my room,” Valence offers, slightly guilty. Cayde just waves him off, flipping through the papers.

 

“Nah, it’ll give me an excuse to get out of an even more boring report. I’ll finish this later, let’s check out your room!” He shouts triumphantly, letting the papers get transmatted away. The mech just hands a key card to Valence and transmits a code to his Ghost, pointing down the hall where the room resides. Cayde bounds off like an exited puppy, although Valence easily catches up with his long strides.

 

They approach the locked door, allowing Ghost to appear in a flash of light to unlock the door. As the keypad turns green, the door slides to the left revealing the room. It was rather large, with a living area, kitchen, bedroom and bathroom. Everything was sparse, only the necessities currently inhabiting the whitewashed room. It was well lit, with the doors all closed. Valence walked across to look at the bedroom, opening the door. The bedroom had a queen sized bed and plenty of closet space. A small lamp rested on a dark, wooden desk pushed up against a wall. What really got Valence excited was the balcony. A small balcony opened up to a gorgeous view over the Last City, perfectly framed by the mountains. To his left, he could see over the Wall and into the wilds that surrounded their little civilization. A cold breeze tousled his long hair, strands falling in front of his face. Valence never really liked long hair on males, but he felt like he should keep it this way this time. He would need a better hairstyle of course, but it felt like a new beginning. Vaguely in the distance of his mind he could hear Cayde going on about how awesome his room was and Ghost exploring. He could hear Guardians chatting and the sounds of the civilization below him. He could hear the jumpships soaring above him and the brisk wind howling in the mountains.

 

He clenched his fingers around the railing, letting the cool metal dig into his palms. He took a deep breath. And for the first time since Valence died, he smiled. A genuine, relaxed, happy smile. And he thought to himself,  _Yeah, this could work._


	5. THIS IS AN UNSKIPPABLE CUTSCENE PLEASE READ

Hey everybody, Valence here!

I just wanted to let you all know that I have an official Tumblr now so you can message me and ask questions!

The link is: <https://afarcryfromparadise.tumblr.com/>

This is a page for you to talk to me, ask questions about the story and Valence and submit recommendations.

I Know this kinda sounds like a self plug, but I wanted to give you guys a platform for comments and suggestions that I check more regularly.

I really appreciate all the support you guys have given me and thank you so much for everything!

See you in the next chapter!


	6. n00b

Valence awoke the next morning to the sound of a sharp beeping. He rose groggily, rubbing at his eyes and enjoying a luxurious stretch. Looking to the left, Valence unhappily acknowledged he had fallen asleep in his armour, helmet and all. As his eyes came into focus, Valence spotted the origin of the noise. A small holo-pad was resting gently on his bedside table, flashing and emitting the resounding beeps. Ghost appeared in a flash of light, giving a twirl and hovering close to the device.

 

“Well, aren’t you going to pick it up?” Ghost inquires, sounding much too cheery for early in the morning.

 

“Mph… how did that get there? I don’t think I had one of those… holo-thingies,” Valence mumbles. He manages to remove his helmet, throwing it to the floor unceremoniously and running his fingers through the white tangle of hair that fell forth. Ghost gave a sharp snort, blinking in amusement.

 

“Not a morning person I see. Cayde-6 dropped this off a while after you passed out. He was going on about something called ‘pre-scheduled torture at ungodly hours’. He set an alarm for you before leaving,” Ghost informed. Valence peered over at the screen, tapping it a couple times to cancel the assault on his ears. Sure enough, an obnoxious picture of the Exo giving a thumbs-up hovered above the words ‘Newbie Orientation! Yay!’. It was scheduled for two hours from the alarm, giving Valence enough time to get ready.

 

“How considerate,” Valence grumbled while swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, rising to his feet. He shuffled to the bathroom, pulling pieces of armour off and scattering them along his path. Reaching the mirror, he looked up at his unfamiliar reflection. He picked at his long, uneven bangs and gave an unsatisfied grunt.

 

“Hey Ghost, do we have any scissors? I need a haircut,” Valence asked. Ghost just floats up near a cabinet and taps on the glass door.

 

“Get yourself cleaned up. I’m going to organize some files and prep for your orientation. Be ready in one and a half hours or I leave without you,” Ghost orders, disappearing in another flash. Valence blinks and smirks to himself quietly, pulling the cabinet open and reaching for the scissors.

 

-

 

Valence stood at the door, helmet resting in the crook of his arm and adjusting his new hairstyle. As promised, he kept the hair longer, cropped just at shoulder length. The top was pulled into a small ponytail, half up-half down. His bangs parted in the middle, half tucked behind one ear and the other half sweeping around his face and resting comfortably on his shoulder. Valence also had a little dark makeup on, noticing a little while before that all the white made it hard to see his eyes and eyebrows. It usually didn’t really bother him too much, but the slight change made a huge difference. Not only that, but the eyeliner made him feel especially fierce. He figured if it fueled his meager self-confidence, it couldn’t be too bad. Valence personally thought he looked pretty good, squaring his shoulders and adjusting a buckle on his wrist. Sure he had some pretty serious nerves, but for once he felt in control. Ready. Yeah.

 

“Wow, look at you! You look great!” Ghost praised, appearing in a flash. “Though I must ask, where did you get the eyeliner? It looks great but I don’t remember it being there when I took inventory?”

 

“I found it in the cabinet with the scissors. I figured my paper-like complexion made me kinda hard to read,” Valence offers.

 

“You do realize you’ll be wearing a helmet right?” Ghost reminds. Valence shrugs and pops on the helm.

 

“I feel good. No big deal right?” Valence offers. Ghost nods and hovers next to his shoulder.

 

“Ready?” Ghost asks.

 

“Hell yeah,” Valence cheers, stepping out into the hallway.

 

-

 

The duo eventually made their way to the Hall of Guardians without getting lost, much to Ghost’s surprise. There were a few other Guardians standing there as well, bearing assorted colours and wearing multiple sizes of armour. The Vanguard all stood in a line, backs to the large window at the far end of the room. Valence weaved into the crowd and stood at attention, prepared for the address. Commander Zavala stepped forward and began to speak.

 

“Guardians! Just days before you rest in a solemn slumber, lives at rest. But now you have been called to this Earth once again to serve a higher purpose. The Last City is the haven you have risen to protect, and it is her people you serve. You venture out into the Darkness where others fear to tread, seeking glory, honour and reward. Death no longer can stop you and your power will drive back those who dare herald it. You shall grow to be leaders, defenders, scholars, pioneers, victors. Your every step shall bask the planets in your Light. You will become Legend!” the Commander bellows. His audience erupts into applause and cheers, air full of excitement and steely determination at his words. As the ruckus settles down, Ikora Rey steps forward.

 

“Today, you each will be assigned an experienced Fireteam to host you. They will show you the ropes, brief you on rules and lead you in the field. On your holo-pad that you received, the name of your host will appear. Make your way to the designated area listed under the summary table that was in the agenda. Remember, this is your opportunity to learn, ask and train. Do not waste it,” Ikora orders. Just as Guardians are about to leave, Cayde jumps forward and raises his hands.

 

“Oh and don’t forget to have fun! Be careful kinderguardians! Go kick some alien ass!” Cayde shouts, giving a double thumbs-up.

 

As the group disperses, Valence looks down at his holo-pad and reads over his information.

 

“All right Ghost. It says here I’m meeting at the Gunsmith’s kiosk with the Fireteam… The Foster Family? What kind of name is that?” Valence inquires looking up at the little robot.

 

“I dunno, but looking at their stats, they’re pretty good. It seems that The Foster Family specializes in Raids, Strikes, Nightfalls and Co-op based activities. They don’t have the best KD, but their overall is pretty decent for a Fireteam with only three permanent members,” Ghost informs. Valence nods and heads out into the Tower Watch, taking a turn to walk towards Banshee-44’s kiosk. Idly chatting under the tree just in front of the Gunsmith, three figures were sitting and hanging around. As Valence approaches, the three come into sharper focus and he sizes them up.

 

The first is a lean human, resting against the trunk of the tree. He is dressed in Hunter garb, although it is decked with fur and red lights reminiscent of the Fallen. His ATS/8 Arachnid helmet rested gently in his lap, long sniper slung over his back, he is speaking heatedly with his eyes closed. Bright red hair tops his head, coming to a gentle point at his Widow’s Peak, gentle scruff lining his jaw. Dark bags hang underneath his closed eyes, nose coming to a sharp point over chapped lips. His eyes open, revealing bright green irises as he glares at the figure to his left.

 

The figure that seems to be avidly debating with the human rose to her feet, noticeably shorter. She was wearing high collared blue Warlock armor, brightly glowing Nothing Manacles sparking as she rises. Her hair was a deep blue, light blue skin matching it as it sweeps to the side in sharp points with bangs hanging close to glowing purple eyes. Her Awoken markings cover her entire forehead, coming to a point at the bridge of her slender nose. Lips coloured dark blue, she smiles wide and gives a sweep of her hand, motioning to her smoky eye makeup. She looks pointedly at the last figure, dropping back down to her cross-legged seat on the pavement.

 

The last figure was sitting on its knees, muscled arms crossed over its chest. It rose to its feet, revealing an extremely tall and muscular female figure. She was wearing the Twilight Garrison, Titan armour only adding to her imposing silhouette. She had an Exo head, the no-optic model obvious. Her entire head was black carbon fiber, save the bright red splatter across the plate where her eyes would have been. Long, red pieces stuck out from either side of her head, pointing backwards. She says a single word, throat lighting up in the same dark red before she sits back down.

 

The two talkative members of the Fireteam explode back into a heated debate, not noticing Valence as he walks up to the group.

 

“I’m just saying, if I look this good, why should I let this helmet cover it all up?” the Awoken woman asked, batting her long eyelashes. She had a heavy Russian accent, thick as she faces the Human. He runs a hand tiredly over the rust-coloured scruff, giving a deep sigh.

 

“You’ll get shot in the face,” he deadpans.

 

“Headshots are immediate kills anyway! Besides, whenever Prizrak revives me, my face is always the same. I don’t see the point,” the Awoken continues. The Exo turns to Valence, standing and walking over to stand beside him. They are of equal height, but she seems much bigger by sheer muscle size alone. The other two look up to see Valence looking sheepish, tugging at his wrist. The Human rises to his feet and motions for the Awoken to do the same. 

 

“You must be our Newbie. Welcome to The Foster Family. I’m Shane,” he introduces, wiping dirt off his pants.

 

The Awoken woman pops up to her feat and gives an elegant, if not dramatic, curtsy. “And I am Blue! Our quiet friend here is Domino-55, and we would all like to tell you how excited we are on being your host Fireteam,” she welcomes. Valence nods and rubs his wrist. 

 

“I’m Valence. It’s nice to meet you all,” he manages. Shane gives a stretch before turning to address the group. 

 

“Well, let’s not waste any time. We’ve got to get you all Guardian-ed up, noob, and Traveler knows there is a lot to do,” Shane exclaims, giving a sharp clap. 

 

“Do you have a jumpship?” Blue questions. 

 

“Yes, but it’s kinda crappy and doesn’t even have a warp drive,” Ghost interjects. 

 

“That’s okay, we’re only going to patrol around the Cosmodrome for today. Shane and I will fly out and set up the lesson, Domino will lead you there in her jumpship. Sound good guys?” Blue chirps, already pulling out her Ghost. Shane nods and pulls his out too.

 

“Affirmative,” Domino-55 says, voice heavily robotic. It vaguely reminds Valence as a Text-to-Speech AI in a gender-neutral setting. 

 

“Alright everybody! Let’s get this party started!” Blue exclaims, as both she and Shane are transmatted to Orbit. Domino turned to look at Valence, both holding their Ghost in their palm. She nods and transmatts out of the Tower Watch, Valence quickly following suit.

 

- 

 

“Are all the new Guardians on their way?” 

 

“Yes Ikora. Day 1 is a success.” 

 

“Oh I wouldn’t say that just yet, big guy. Don’t wanna jinx it.” 

 

“Is that right Cayde? I never took you for the superstitious type.” 

 

“I’m not. I’m just saying let’s not count our Guardians before they’ve dispatched, alright?” 

 

“Alright Cayde. Ikora and I will avoid from… jinxing… this delicate operation. There is still much to be done.” 

 

“Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I’m going to go make some popcorn and watch the feeds of all the new Guardians running around like headless chickens.” 

 

“Cayde.” 

 

“What?”


	7. Violence

Valence wasn’t a very violent person. At least that is what he wanted to believe. Valence simply didn’t believe violence was the answer to most problems. He figured there was a better way to skirt around a confrontation. Of course, that never stopped other people from beating him into a pulp, but that only solidified Valence’s disbelief. Violence meant becoming the monster that he was forced to face every day.

 

“Fucking shit on a stick! Die motherfuckers! Burn in Hell!” Valence screeched, shooting with reckless abandon at the group of Fallen, bleeding heavily form his side. The Dregs matched his yelling, firing back with angry roars. Valence and his combatants were trapped in a deadly dance, both strafing and diving behind cover. The air was lit with blue bullets and the easy silence shattered by the cacophony of battle. Valence brought his new pulse rifle to his eye, charging a cluster of Shanks, whirring in erratic circles. A Vandal scurries up to the Guardian, throwing one of its arms in a large hook at his jaw. The Guardian takes the heavy blow, staggering backwards and gasping as his vision darkens. More Fallen emerge from the abandoned shelter, climbing the rusted stairs and firing another volley of blasts.

 

“Do you think we should help? The poor kid looks pretty beat up,” Blue wonders, sitting crossed legged on a rock. The Foster Family group had set up across the valley on an elevated plane, watching the new Guardian trading blows with the band of Fallen. Shane was lying on his stomach using his long sniper to scope the fight; sights trained on the Vandal Valence had just received a punch from. A deep hum rumbles from his chest, finger gently tapping the trigger in contemplation.

 

“Nah, the noob needs to learn how to handle a large group of bandits without backup. Besides, he also needs to get familiar with the fighting styles of each type of enemy and how all the weapons work,” Shane sighs, looking around the area a little more. Blue huffs and pulls out another sniper, looking down the scope briefly before switching to a Haake auto rifle.

 

“Yeah… but the kid doesn’t even know what class he is. A Guardian without their Light is at a huge disadvantage,” Blue mutters, wiping a smudge off the barrel. Domino-55 crouches down beside the Awoken, pulling out her Ghost.

 

“Domino thinks the only way Valence will find his class will be through combat. That and he needs to get acclimatized with being revived… especially if his aim doesn’t improve,” the bright red Ghost relays. Blue just groans and leans backwards to lie on the ground.

 

“Maybe not… the kid is holding his own. Most new Guardians can’t hold their own in a spawn area, but…” Shane scratches at his rust scruff, observing as Valence ducks beneath a Dreg’s dagger. “He’s already learning their patterns.”

 

“Not to mention the newbie’s reaction time is pretty impressive. He’s taking this whole thing in stride,” Blue admits, running a hand through her hair.

 

“Jealous?” Domino-55 asks. Blue just shoots her an indigent glare. Shane snorts at that, looking back at Blue with an amused smirk.

 

“Okay, just because I wasn’t the fastest learner doesn’t mean I’m not a great Guardian!” Blue exclaims, crossing her arms.

 

“Sure sweetheart. Whatever helps you sleep at night,” Shane teases, returning to the sniper.

 

Meanwhile, Valence was currently repeatedly punching a Vandal in the head. He drops the body and brings the pulse rifle back up to fire at the group of Fallen that are beginning to thin. A Dreg manages to land a well-placed shot into Valence’s already wounded abdomen, knocking the breath from his lungs. Valence just manages to duck behind cover before hen falls to his knees, gasping for breath.

 

“Shit, this hurts,” Valence wheezes out, clutching at the warm flow of blood that is steadily pouring out of a large gash.

 

“Yeah no duh wise guy, they’re bullets,” Ghost groans, quickly healing his wounds to a manageable level. “You’re obviously not a Titan, you can’t take more than a few hits before you get too injured. Therefore, you need to fight a little more carefully. You can’t just go barreling out into the enemy, squishy as you are.”

 

“Yeah, well I kinda just want this to be over and done with. Violence isn’t really my thing,” Valence grunts, rising to his feet and peeking out from behind the cover.

 

“You don’t seem to be having any troubles with killing these Fallen so far,” Ghost points out. Valence just clenches his jaw as he dispatches another alien, spurting reddish-purple ichor. He gives a heavy pant and advances, throwing the butt of the gun into the face of a Dreg. Valence fires a pulse into the staggering enemy before whirling around to shoot a couple more shots at a Vandal that had flanked him. Sweat was dripping down his brow and his breaths were coming in heavy gasps, Valence running off of pure adrenaline. The stabbing pain of his body had become a muffled throbbing and his vision was crystal clear. Every second felt like a minute and his own heartbeat pulsed in his ears as the gun recoiled in his hands. Fire from the Fallen easily met their mark on his body, but each sharp wound faded into the back of his mind. Valence stood frozen, everything suddenly slow and saturated, like a lucid dream as an entire Skiff of Fallen dropped down before him. His gun absent-mindedly fell to his side and his shoulder relaxed.

 

“What is he doing?” Shane wondered, suddenly worried.

 

“We’ve got to intervene! He’s gonna get killed!” Blue cried out, jumping to her feet.

 

“Affirmative, engaging bandits,” Shane responded, finger sliding onto the sniper’s trigger. Just as he was about to take a shot, a heavy hand pulled his shoulder back. The Hunter’s aim went wild and he barely managed to save the shot. The Warlock whirled to face her companion, face full of anger.

 

“What in the Traveler’s name are you doing?! Are you trying to get the newbie killed?” Blue shouted, arms in the air. Shane had risen to his feet and turned on the Exo as well.

 

“Wait,” Domino-55 calmly ordered. Her eyeless gaze drifted to the unfolding battle, arm smoothly lifting to point. “Watch.” The pair brought their snipers hurriedly to their eyes, enraptured with the fight.

 

“What are you doing?” Ghost’s worried outcry faded to muffled noise as Valence stood. A Captain roared as the wave of Fallen converged upon the frozen Guardian. Valence felt none of the pain of the heavy cannon blasts, didn’t recognize the slashes of electrified daggers. Weeping wounds didn’t stir the Guardian from his strange trance. All Valence could hear was strange whispers. All he could see was white. All he could feel was a growing pressure behind his fingertips.

 

…

 

_Something is different._

_Something is wrong._

_Who are you?_

_What are you?_

_Have you come to save them?_

_Have you come to destroy them?_

_What will you choose?_

_Who will you choose?_

_Who are you?_

_You are different._

_What are you?_

_You are wrong._

…

 

Valence’s head snapped up as he leapt into the air, bringing his arm back as a purple energy built in his body. Throwing his arm forward, the dark energy exploded forth in a vortex of Void, disintegrating the hoard of Fallen. The Guarding landed back on his feet and staggered forward, before collapsing in a heap on the cool earth. Everything hurt. He couldn’t breath. He couldn’t see. He felt like he was drowning. He couldn’t move. Everything got further and further away as he fell into unconsciousness.

 

…

…

…

 

“Oh Shit!”

 

“Domino, we’ve got to help him!”

 

“Run!”

 

…

…

…

 

“Well this is rather interesting. Looks like our most intriguing Guardian is a Warlock.”

 

“Don’t look so smug Ikora, his fighting style is also reminiscent of the Titans. Just because his Light manifests Warlock, doesn’t mean you get free reign over him.”

 

“Wait. Why is he so intriguing exactly? And why don’t I get a claim on him, he’s my friend!”

 

“Friends already Cayde? You have barely known him one day yet.”

 

“He’s way more chill than you guys.”

 

“Quiet, the both of you. Things are just getting interesting..."


	8. Panick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THIS HAS SELF HARM IN IT! DON'T READ IF IT BRINGS YOU HARM!

Valence had indeed passed out before. It wasn’t something he liked to look back on. He remembered it being dark and endlessly quiet. It felt exactly like it looked, pale and sick and uncomfortably sprawled out on a hardwood floor. The cold sharp floor that dug into your equally sharply angled bones. Bile that was caught in your throat matched to a pounding headache that competed with your drumming heartbeat for attention. This unconsciousness was different. Everything looked endlessly grey and stretched on to where your eyes lost focus. You couldn’t feel your body and no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t move. The sickness was deep in your stomach and at the bottom of your skull, not stuck in your throat like usual. It felt less like your body was unconscious, but your entire being. Like you had lapsed out of reality to a place in between your world and the next, with nothing you could do to get back. Stuck adrift on a blank ocean, tied to the mast of an invisible boat. And you were starving but helplessly seasick. And you were dying of thirst. And you were so tired but couldn’t sleep. And everything was frigid but you couldn’t stop sweating that clammy cold sweat. Every sensation was as dull as the plane around you, yet you couldn’t hope to escape it.

 

Valence woke up in a cold sweat, tangled in white sheets. He lay quietly, trying to catch his breath as it came out in horse gasps. Fingers reached up to his neck in a panic, tearing at the covers that had wrapped around his throat. Valence threw the sheets off and brought himself to a sitting position, violently coughing as he continued to scratch at his neck. The lingering feeling of the cool cloth strangling him fresh in his mind as his neatly cut nails dug into Valence’s own pale skin, drawing pearls of deep red blood. Valence’s eyes were wide as saucers as he quickly switched to scratching at his wrists, digging into his own flesh and watching with panicked fascination as the same gore began to seep from the flushed cuts.

 

“Stop it, stop it,” the Guardian croaks, using one hand to physically prevent himself continuing the harm. His fingers twitch as Valence tries to take in a deep breath, focusing on the shaky intake of air. In a flash of bright light, Ghost is beside him, whirring distractedly.

 

“So the health records sta- dear Traveller are you alright?” Ghost cries, aghast by the scene before it. Valence just brings his knees up to his chest and digs his head into the crook of his elbow, frantically rocking back and forth. Ghost immediately steadies and zips towards Valence and gives a worried twirl.

 

“Hey, hey, Valence. Look up here. Look at me,” Ghost urges, slowly floating steadily before the quivering figure. Valence raises his head and forces his eyes open, bright red irises unsteadily focusing on the blue light. His breathing is still shaky and one hand is gripping his wrist with white knuckles, but Valence manages to give a trembling nod.

"Ghost, I thin-need help,” Valence rasps, still shaking.

 

“I understand, Valence. I’m here to help you, all right? Just focus on me for now and try to breath. Is that something you can do?” Ghost answers warmly. Valence gives another weak nod, vision steadying as he methodically breathes deeply. Gradually, the trembling fades, but the tension remains in every tightly strung muscle of the Guardian.

 

 “Alright Valence, you’re doing great. I am going to heal those scratches now, but I won’t leave you, okay? I still will be right here. Is that all right? Is that okay with you or do you need more time?” Ghost asks. Valence takes a deep breath and releases his wrist, presenting his forearms to the construct.

 

“Okay, I’ll still be right here even though you won’t see me. Is that all right with you, Valence?” Ghost continues, floating closer to the swollen wounds.

 

“Yes,” Valence whispers. Ghost nods and gives a flash before he vanishes. Valence closes his eyes and focuses on breathing, repeating in his head that his Ghost is still there, he just can’t see it, and it’ll come back. Not even a moment later, the scratches seal and Ghost returns to hovering before his Guardian.

 

“Valence, I need you to listen to me for a moment. Is that something you can do for me?” Ghost inquires. Valence nods, much steadier this time.

 

“Okay. You are in the recovery wing of the Tower. You fell unconscious after casting a Nova Bomb in the Cosmodrome. You had sustained severe injuries before and after passing out, as well you exhibited strange behavior before casting the Super. I healed your serious injuries, but you did not regain consciousness. The other medics conducted multiple tests and I had gone to check on the results before I was alerted you had regained consciousness. Does you understand me?” Ghost explained.

 

“I-I don’t remember… casting anything, just everything going white. A-and words. Someone said something to me. That something was wrong… something was different. They asked me some weird questions, too. They said I- I… was wrong. I don’t- I can’t-“ Valence starts, fingers running through his hair.

 

“Hey, hey, hey. That’s okay. Just calm down for now, we can ask questions once you’re feeling a little better, okay? Is this okay?” Ghost asks. Valence lets a small smile quirk the corner of his lips.

 

“Yeah, this is okay,” Valence assures, looking up. “Thank you Ghost.”

 

“It’s no trouble. I’m here for you, Guardian,” Ghost replies. The small construct floats down and nestles on Valence’s bare shoulder, nuzzling his neck gently.

 

“Valence. Please, call me Valence,” Valence requests, resting his head softly against Ghost. “Would you like me to call you anything other than ‘Ghost’?” Valence whispers softly after a beat.

 

“There was once this nice lady who called me Umbra. I rather like that,” Ghost responds.

 

“Umbra it is then,” Valence smiles, resting easily back against the cot. His eyes slowly drift close, breathing slowing and gently falling asleep. Ghost gives a small hum before closing its eye and resting on the pillow beside its Guardian.

 

-

 

A couple hours pass before the pair awakens to the low murmur of people talking quietly within the small room. Valence’s eyes slowly focus on the Foster Family huddled in a group near the door, as well as a doctor and the Vanguard Ikora Rey discussing Valence’s medical test results.

 

“Day one and I already have adoring public,” Valence groans, shifting to an upright position. The onlookers’ attention quickly snaps to him, swarming the medical cot.

 

“Are you alright? How are you feeling?”

 

“We’re so sorry! We should have stepped in earlier!”

 

“What happened, Guardian? The report I received is rather intriguing,”

 

“Better?”

 

Valence throws his hands up and gives a nervous chuckle. Umbra whirrs in amusement and floats towards the group.

 

“Now, now everyone. There is plenty of our dear Guardian to go around, but let’s go one at a time, shall we?” Umbra suggests. Ikora Rey turns to Valence.

 

“I will be waiting in the Hall of Guardians with the other members of the Vanguard. I would hope to see you there in an hour for debriefing,” Ikora commands, turning and walking out of the door.

 

“You have a clean bill of health, so you’re free to go. Just try not to pass out in the middle of a battle again,” the doctor advises before following Ikora.

 

The Foster Family converge on Valence, spouting apologies and catching him up as the Guardian rises and begins to dress.

 

“Guys, there isn’t anything you have to be sorry about. Besides, you have the rest of the orienteering to get back to and I have a debriefing. Maybe I’ll catch you later?” Valence offers. The Fireteam exchange looks before departing the medical room, promising to catch up later.

 

“Alright Umbra. Time to see what the Vanguard wants,” Valence sighs, heading out into the Tower once again.

 

-

The Hall of Guardians is unsettling empty as Valence and Umbra arrive. Ikora Rey and Commander Zavala seem to be in deep conversation, while Cayde is sitting on the lip of the table, swinging his legs absent-mindedly. The three turn to face the approaching Guardian, falling silent.

 

“Um, am I in trouble?” Valence genuinely asks, fingers twitching.

 

“Not at all Guardian. We just have a few question for you,” Zavala responds, motioning to the table in front of the trio. Valence approaches, standing opposite of the Vanguard and looking at the paper scattered across the surface. Different reports depicting the same scene, his loss of consciousness, cover the table.

 

“Don’t you think this is a bit overkill? I passed out during a fight, it’s not that big of a deal,” Valence offered, picking up one of the reports.

 

“If this were any normal loss of consciousness, I would agree with you. But, your Ghost provided us with an encrypted sound recording that was transmitted to you during that loss of consciousness,” Ikora reasons, motioning for her Ghost to play the file. A garbled, metallic rendition of the strange phrases Valence heard in his head played, sending a shiver down his spine.

 

“Among other points of interest, this audio file wasn’t broadcast to your Ghost or communicator, but directly into your brain. That is why the audio is so garbled, it had to be de-encrypted from brain wave frequencies acquired by your Ghost,” Ikora continued.

 

“You can see why that makes this not one of the ‘normal cases’, Guardian,” Commander Zavala added, bringing one of the reports closer.

 

“We have no idea who this entity asking questions is, where they are, how they got into your head… to name a few burning questions. And if I know Ikora, she doesn’t like not knowing,” Cayde tosses out, counting dramatically on his fingers. The human shoots Cade a dark glare before returning her focus to the Guardian.

 

"Personal intentions or not, this raises a lot of concerns, Guardian. At the very least, this could mean there is another player in an already complicated game that we are not yet aware of. Such uncertainties are very dangerous,” Ikora explains.

 

“Which is why it is so important for you to regain your memories, Guardian. They may be the key to this riddle you have presented to us,” Zavala related.

 

“I don’t understand. What riddle exactly?” Umbra interjects.

 

“The riddle that is Valence Essos,” Cayde concluded. His eyes lock with Valence’s, sending a shiver down the Awoken’s spine. Valence had a feeling that this would be a riddle never fully answered. And that… that worried him.

…

…

…

 

“Damn, that was hella corny,”

 

“Well, I’m sorry, not all of us can be super cool and mysterious all the time!”

 

“Yeah, but still dude, that was pretty bad,”

 

“Shut up!”


	9. Can't Fix What Ain't Broke

Unfortunately, before anyone was going to do anything remotely similar to a main storyline, Valence’s medical reports were finalized.

 

It was a while before Umbra and Valence managed to get away from the flurry of questions and medical reports. The duo finally managed to slink off just as the sun had fallen low enough to be eclipsed by the Traveller, casting the populated valley in a warm shadow. They meandered the halls of the Tower, idly making their way back to the quarters they had been assigned. The two reached a quiet stretch of hallway, silence only cut by the sharp clapping of Valence’s boots on the polished concrete floors.

 

“So,” Umbra began, looking to cut the awkward tension that hung in the air. “Are you going to tell me what exactly happened in the med bay?”

 

“I had a panic attack and I don’t really want to talk about it,” Valence snapped, clipping the conversation short. Umbra bobbed in frustration.

 

“Look, I understand that this must be very difficult for you, but you forget that we are both in this together. I’m just as out of my depth as you are and if we are going to work like a team, then our communication is integral,” Umbra stated, hovering just before the Guardian. Valence refused to meet the Ghost’s gaze, fingers rubbing at his wrists.

 

“I… I’ll try and explain when we get back to the room,” Valence relents quietly, thumbing the underside of his wrist slowly. Umbra notices the motion and gives a small nod of understanding. The rest of the walk back to their quarters is silent.

 

When the two are securely behind closed doors, Valence quickly shucks his armor in favor of more comfortable effects. Umbra settles amicably on the bed, waiting patiently. With a deep sigh, the Guardian flounced facedown onto the bedspread, groaning deeply. There is a small thunk and an indignant whirr from the floor causing Valence look and just catch Umbra floating slowly back up to bed level.

 

“Sorry,” Valence manages, face squashed to the sheets. The Ghost just gives a grunt and lands heavily next to the Awoken’s head.

 

“So,” Ghost begins once again. Valence just groans and pushes his forehead into the bed. He breathes deeply a couple times, the musty smell of fabric, thermo-insulator and down hitting the back of throat. After a couple breaths, he stopped inhaling and just let the breath in his body run. He could feel the slow burn in his chest and the crescendo of blood rushing in his ears. Until, he reached the perfect moment. The moment Valence chased at the end of the day and he could stop crying. The moment he chased when it felt like a little too much, no matter what had happened.

 

There was a moment of silence where all Valence could hear was the beating of his own heart and the dull pain in his lungs and his breath had run out. The moment where your body was screaming that you needed another breath. The moment where your brain was thinking you didn’t need it.

 

He finally raised his head at the last moment, taking a slow, steady inhale. He rose to a seated position and scooped Umbra up in his hands.

 

“Hey,” Umbra murmured, nuzzling into Valence’s palm. The little construct looked up at the Guardian expectantly, blue eye shining.

 

“Now that’s no fair. Puppy eyes?” Valence chuckled and gave the Ghost a little peck.

 

“And your sudden affection, although appreciated, will not get you out of this conversation. You need to tell me what’s going on, Valence. You have no idea how worried I was when I saw you… _scratching_ at yourself,” Umbra urges. Valence’s shoulders droop.

 

“I’m sorry,”

 

“Why?” Umbra questioned, slowly floating up to meet the Guardian’s gaze. The carnelian eyes flitted to anywhere else in the room.

 

“You got me.”

 

Umbra started at this, confused.

 

“What’s so bad about that? I may not have had that much time with you yet… but I know that you are the Guardian I was destined to be with! You’re smart and kind! You can be funny yet gracious. You have a sharp mind and a sharper tongue, and can keep all of the Vanguard on their toes! Sure, you can be a little socially awkward at times, but I’m here to help you with that and I’m sure you’ll get more comfortable with the people around the Tower with time!” Umbra exclaims, giving a determined twirl. Valence still looked unconvinced.

 

“Umbra… I-I don’t know what is wrong with me. Sometimes I just… it’s hard to explain,”

 

“Then try. Please, I want to help you in anyway I can, Valence. You’re _my_ Guardian,” Umbra implores. The Guardian scrunches his eyes shut tightly and scratches at his wrist in frustration. He opens mouth to start a couple times but closes it, searching for the right words.

 

“It feels… It feels like I’m stuck. On the worlds biggest plane but I’m the only passenger awake. And I’m watching as we very slowly but very surely loose altitude. No matter what I do no one else will wake up and I’m watching our descent through the tiny window and I know that if I can’t get the plane righted, everyone will all die and it will be my fault. Usually I’m just sort of enjoying the view in a morbidly passive sort of way as we all fall out of the sky, but sometimes… it gets- it gets bad,” Valence sputters out. Umbra gives a little shudder as his Guardian takes a shaky breath.

 

“And- and… when it gets bad… It’s like you suddenly realize how close you could be to the ground. And you’re pounding on the door to the cockpit as hard as you can and it doesn’t matter how bad it hurts, you’ve got to get through or everyone’s blood is on your hands. Or-or you feel… you feel like you’ve gotta –gotta go out on your own ter-term-ter…” the words die in his throat, and a strangled sob wracks the Guardian’s trembling body. Umbra whirrs in distress as Valence covers his mouth with this hands and struggles to breath evenly through his nose.

 

“Hey, hey, its okay you don’t have to keep going. It’s going to be all right, okay? I’m here; you’re not alone on that airplane anymore,” Umbra floats up and rests on the trembling shoulders of his distressed Guardian. The little construct snuggles into his neck, white hair falling over the worried Ghost, nuzzling into the pale skin.

 

“I- I’m gonna… gonna need-“ Valence struggles out.

 

“Hey, whatever you need, I’m here for you,” Umbra floats up in front of Valence and gives a gentle tap to his forehead.

 

“Just-just a minute,” Valence takes a couple deep breaths. “It’s gonna take a minute.”

 

“Take all the time you need, Valence,” Ghost reassures. A few beats pass, as Valence slowly unwinds. It doesn’t feel amazing, but it’s a huge improvement.

 

“It… it never really goes away… but having someone listen… helped,” Valence mumbles. “Thank you Umbra. I’ve-I’ve never really had anyone to talk to about this kind of thing.”

 

“You’re not only my Guardian Valence, you’re my friend. I’m here for you through the good times and the bad, no matter what,” Umbra admits honestly, hovering next to Valence. A small smile appears on the Guardian’s face as he tries to bat to construct away playfully.

 

“Stahp, you’re going to make me cry,” Valence giggles.

 

“I’m glad I could help,” Umbra chuckles, easily dodging the swat. The pair flop down backwards onto the bed. A moment of silence passes before a quiet beeping emanates from Umbra.

 

“We should probably see what the Vanguard want,” Umbra groans. Valence rolls over and sighs heavily.

 

“Fine,” is the muffled response.

-

 

As the duo arrive in the Hall of Guardians, they notice their host Fireteam also awaiting their arrival alongside the Vanguards. The group of six turn to face Valence upon his arrival.

 

“Wow, we’ve got to stop meeting like this,” Cayde quips, eagerly bounding up the steps to usher the Guardian further into the room. “So, now that we’ve dodged all the medical duties and have accidentally deleted a couple integral health records, we can finally do some proper kinderguardian orientation,”

 

“I will pretend I didn’t here that,” Zavala steps forward. “Now that we have an official class assigned to you, Guardian, we can finally get to work.”

 

“Hey, go easy on him Zavala,” Shane interjects, crossing his arms.

 

“Yeah, he did just come back from the med bay,” Blue points out, stepping beside Valence and patting his arm. “Poor thing could barely handle his first super.”

 

“Though he did do better than most Guardians experiencing their first super,” Ikora adds softly. “Your experience reminded me of my first attempt.”

 

“You passed out?” Valence asks.

 

“No, I died. But everyone gets exponentially better after their first try,” Ikora admits.

 

“You will return to the Cosmodrome and continue with your training with your assigned Fireteam,” Zavala relays.

 

“But this time, we’ll be keepin’ a close eye on ya so you don’t end up face down in a crater again,” Cayde adds, pulling a holoscreen up across the table.

 

“If you’re so sure…” Valence trails off, rubbing his wrists. A strong hand pats down on his shoulder. He looks up to see Domino-55 looking down at him.

 

“You’ll be fine,” Shane reassures.

 

“Yeah! You’ve got us watching your back!” Blue pipes up. The Fireteam lead the new Guardian out of the Hall, giving proper farewells to the Vanguard. Valence watches at the trio transmat onto their ships, leaving him alone for a beat. Just as he’s about to pull out Umbra, a quick tap on the shoulder startles him as he spins on the spot.

 

“Woah, it’s just me, kiddo,” the blue Exo takes a step back and raises his hands in mock surrender. Valence slowly relaxed his shoulder, rubbing at his wrists.

 

“Sorry, it’s been a weird couple days,” Valence admits meekly.

“Hey, don’t sweat it. We’ve all been a little on edge,” Cayde saunters up a little closer and puts a hand on the taller man’s shoulder. “So now that the Commander isn’t breathing down your neck, how are you holding up?” The sincerity in the Exo’s tone threw the young Guardian off his balance.

 

“What?” Valence whispered. Cayde looked up at him with his glowing eyes, surprisingly honest for a robot.

 

“Look, I get Hunters and Warlocks aren’t supposed to get along, but you’re not like other lame Warlocks and… I guess I was pretty worried about you,” Cayde murmured.

 

“Daww, big bad Hunter Vanguard has a heart after all,” Valence teased, poking the Exo’s horn.

 

“Stop, I’ve got a reputation to uphold,” Cayde chuckles, batting back at his hand. “In all seriousness though,”

 

“Thank you Cayde, that’s really nice of you to ask. I’m better. Honestly, I’m not amazing, but seeing as how a couple days ago I was actually dead, this is a pretty good improvement… I guess,” Valence admits, rubbing his wrists absentmindedly.

 

“Alright, if you say so. I know Ikora is kinda a hard person to approach, so if you ever need anyone to, uh, talk to… I’m, uh, here I guess,” Cayde offers.

 

“That’s really nice of you Cayde, thanks. I, uh, should probably catch up with the others,” Valence replies. Cayde just smiles and claps him on the shoulder.

 

“Knock ‘em dead Guardian. I’ll be watching you on the big screen,” Cayde gives a wave before bounding back down towards the Hall of Guardians.

 

A beat passes before Valence pulls out Umbra and transmatts into their ratty jumpship.

 

“Wow, so that’s what social interactions are like, huh?” Valence mumbles to himself. Umbra just gives an exasperated sigh before punching in the new coordinates and hitting the accelerator.


	10. E3 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Ignores cannon even harder*

I have never been more furious.


End file.
